Thursday, July 05, 2007

Liberals Hate America

////////////// If WFYI were REALLY Hoosier

Oh, those awful liberals and their pinko PBS! Why, if Indiana public broadcasting was run FOR Hoosiers BY Hoosiers, the content would be much more like the following:

.................................. The Antiques Road (kill) show

Hoosier drivers bring in the last critter they managed to nail in the old pickup truck, hoping to earn big bucks if it's especially rare. Endangered species? We don't need no damned endangered species, thank you.

.............................. Mr. Roger's Neighborhood Association


It's clean and all right because its all white. Explains why the land of make believe is populated by puppets wearing klan robes.



............................................ NEVA

Weekly fundamentalist Christian science show. Refutes the theory of evolution and explains "creative design". Only one episode was produced for the series, but it's rerun every week.




............................... The McCoy / Hatfield News hour

McCoy and Hatfield discuss the news but their differences often provoke a family feud. Let the buckshot fly, bubbah. (and Jerry Springer - eat your heart out!!)

.................................. Masterpeice Soap Opera

Face it folks. Classic romantic fiction can be just as melodramatic as "Days of our Lives". It's ,ah, just harder to follow. In other words, who wants to waste their money on champaigne when they can get just as drunk with a case of Bud light?

............................. The Libertarian Victory Garden


Learn how to grow marajuana and avoid federal prosecution. Lots of helpful tips on horticulture and the criminal justice system. All it takes is good dirt and a good defence.


.................................. The Non-French Chef

Let 400 pound Billy Joe Hawgballs smother your pallate with the joy of comfort foods. Turn tasty trans-fats into a beer gut large enough to rest your plate on. Meat loaf, mashed potatoes and gravy. BEEELCH! Life just dosen't get any better than this. Pass the "freedom fries", Billy.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Football, Jesus, Rock & Roll

Did you know - the Colts won the Superbowl?

Two hundred years from now I can imagine someone reading this thinking,

"Say -WHAT??"

Either this, or whatever bemused venacular is appropriate.

The Colts are an Indianapolis football team whose victory in a very large American sports arena means they are now “the football champions of the world”.

So - WHAT??

It is curious that "football" is a game played almostly exclusively in America, by Americans. Taking the Colt’s accomplishment into account, it seems that America is the whole world, or at least to Americans. I am reminded of Churchill’s reference to the Soviet “Iron Curtain” drawn across eastern Europe after world war 2. This forboding spectre prevented western eyes from spying in on the nefarious activities of world Communism. Curiously it was no deterrant to anyone looking out at America, resplendant as a merchant’s showcase. To me, America is just the other side of the coin. The American “Iron Curtain” works in reverse. Nobody inside America cares to look outside of it, convinced perhaps that there is nothing to see. What a shock it will be should our trough goes empty and we raise our snouts up only to see some foreign butcher. What’s for dinner? American Capitalist PIG!!

(insert squealing sounds from the Beatle’s “White Album”)

It occurs to me that Jesus would not approve of America. Jesus was a pacifistic non-materialist. This is borne out in the Gospels. He admonished the Jews for beliveing in “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”. Jesus suggesed his followers “turn the other cheek” should their brother slap them in the face. Reguarding materialism, perhaps actions speak louder than words. The only rage Christ ever demonstrated was in his throwing the merchants out of the temple.

How can Americans avow Christianity and be so utterly blind to its central message? I think its in how protestants interpret the bible. Theirs is an utterly “personal relationship with God”, as opossed to the Catholic system in which one obtained this soly through one of the church’s representatives.

I am reminded of when I was a teenager listening to songs on the radio. I would carefully edit the lyrics to suit my particular situation, giving me the comforting impression the song was written personally for me. However, if I ever had the chance to talk to the preformer (which I never would), this individual would most certainly inform me the song was about something in his life – not mine.

Thus, I feel American protestants are just listing to Gospel music and hearing only what they want to hear. In general terms, these people remind me of the priests of ancient Rome. Pagans by modern standards, but astute enough to realize their government keenly appreciated anything able to sedate an unruly mob. Hence, both pagans and protestants tend to be unapologetically nationalistic. Catholics are suspect, as were the Jews in ancient Rome. Both suffered the consequences of an ultimate alegiance to something other than the government, but both were pragmatic enough to embrase secular ideas just enough to keep them out of trouble. Rome’s real problems were with its Christians. Like many modern Muslims, early Christians felt disinfranchised by a corrupt and brutal regieme. Confined to ghettos, many became radicalized and although poorly armed and outnumbered, still managed to launch terrorist attacks. The bible’s “Book of Revelations” was written during this era.

(more squealing, piggies ………….)

America is awash in such an abundance of agricultural resources it will be centuries before it suffers Rome’s sorry demise. However, one thing poised to bring this empire to its knees is it’s addictive depencance on cheap labor and cheap energy. Basically, Americans want something for nothing, and we have been getting it at wholesale prices for far too long. Slavery is so basic to the human condition it is no problem for American businesses to hire cheap foreign labor, despite the unpleasant after effect of eroding the middle class. What will obviously test our ingenuity is our dependance on cheap (foreign) energy.

Very much like the worst of the Roman emperors, this country’s government is supremely incompetant when dealing with matters of national importance. It seems to me the political solution of “bread & circuses” evoled into “let them eat cake” and is now “let them watch TV”. Again, our heads in the trough and our ample asses on display to a starving world. The showcase is empty though and the butcher is now for sale.

OINK!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I don't own God

Every now and then something strikes me as hilarious and I am apt to bellow in laughter. Wolves howl and sometimes others howl back. I am willing to accept the fact no human would ever reply since my reverie is demed private by the comforting closeness of the walls which surround us all. I ocassionally overhear domestic discord and the foriegn intrusion of my neighbor's musical tastes. I'm sure they hear my laughter. Why don't I ever hear anyone else laughing? If I'm in hell and I don't know it, I supose I've just arrived. In another 500 years maybe I'll overhear someone else laughing and try and catch my guts as they erupt from the hole of my constipated acid indigestion.

Until then I'll go on laughting as loud as I can.